I’m just really good at pushing people away.
I havent posted on tumblr in a really long time. Maybe I should start to again. I don’t know. Anyways I just want to vent.
I feel like…I’m starting to feel less. If you even understand that. I feel like I can only give so much before I just kind of feel completely numb, neglected, if you will. I love someone who I have been in love with for a very very long time. But it just feels like…I’m old news to this person. I can’t explain it really. I trybmy best to be the best I can be, and its really just not good enough. I always come out looking like I try too hard or I’m coming off as a 5 year old or something, I don’t know. I just want guarantee. That doesn’t exist though. Like, what am I supposed to do? How can I love and yet feel so unloved? I feel so pushe back. Yet I can’t say that cause then I’m just being childish. I just want appreciation, love, affection, to be cared for in a loving manner. I miss cute shit. I miss being treated right. I miss having things said to me that made me feel good, not make me feel shittier. It’s like everyone around me is more important. And its causing me to feel like utter shit. Period. Just utter shit. I don’t know what to say, do, or feel anymore.